Lately…

Lately I’ve just gotten over a cold, turned head cold, turned bronchitis. No, not fun.

That turned into not being able to go to work, and finding myself unemployed. Not fun.

Tomorrow I’m going to Waseskun House, a transitional residence for Indigenous males inmates (low security), immersing themselves in their culture, values, life redirection, understanding themselves and how to be a Native man, and be proud of that.

I’m going to volunteer there for the day on Wednesday, as they have an open house and Autumn Equinox ceremony as well.

I’ll also get the chance to meet the director and discuss things. Hopefully. Hopefully things will shift for me, and for them.

If and when I get this position – as a helper – to me this sort of thing is a dream job. I get to do what I’m not only good at, but a natural – I get to do something awesome.

I’ve been feeling terrible inside, discouraged, but not losing hope.

I have all sorts of thoughts and feelings…

I feel like I let people down, and I hate that, I want people to know they can count on me. At the same time, life happens, and so I can’t always do that. It sets up this false dichotomy situation inside. I was sick, and the lack of understanding from my boss was stupid, but at the same time I have that feeling of letting people down.

I need to do stuff, but I’m not feeling motivated, so again, the stupid vicious circle inside.

Few people understand this in my entourage. I don’t tell people this face to face. But I should.

I’ll get over this, I know. I’ll wake up and realise I couldn’t change a thing. I tried not getting sick, and the opposite happened: it got worse.

This sort of thing is a sign, like other things in my past that happened this way. A new chapter is about to open.

Tab8ldak Tab8ldak

our name for Creator for us Western Abenaki – translates as ”Owner/Creator”, and genderless for you people who have those ”he/she” genders in your languages”

has a Plan, always does.

I don’t know what that is, but I have a pretty good one. But I’m not sure if it’s my own ego, and wishes, or Creator’s. I have to trust Him/Her/It.

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